My Take on Love


Love is such an important thing towards people my age. I see many people going into and out of relationship many times. My take on love, however, is that I think it’s meaningless. I believe that falling in love, or at least having a relationship at my age is a complete waste of time. Why? Because most of the relationship established would not last that long anyway. Eventually, all the couples today would break in a few years, I guarantee it. There are reasons why I feel this way.

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The Unvoiced Feeling

There he was playing football with his friends in the field as usual. I took a glimpse of him through my bedroom’s window. I could see him from here since the football field was a stone’s throw away from my house. He would play there almost everyday in the evening and I would watch him everytime he played from beginning to end. After we entered highschool, I never actually talked to him as we were separated to different classes. I could only look at him from afar because I didn’t have the courage to approach him.

It was Friday morning when I peeked inside of his class through the class window trying to find him from outside. I looked at his seat and there was no one. I rolled my eyes towards the entire class but I couldn’t find him. Was he absent? Suddenly, a matured male voice called my name.

“Lina, come here for a while,” he ordered. It appeared that it was the Advisor of the Football Club. The he continued “ Rick’s house is near your house right?”

“Yes,” I answered shortly.

“Could you send this form to him for me? I need him fill it up and send it back to me by Monday next week. He is absent today so you should really give me a hand and ease up my burden,” he said handing the form to me.

It was the National Football Championship participation form. ‘So our school’s football team has made it to the nasional level huh?’ I thought to myself. But that’s not important. What’s important right now was this form. The form that I was holding. How on earth should I give this to him? Enter his house and give it to him nonchalantly? I don’t think so. But that was the only way I could think of since I don’t have a phone and I don’t know his phone number.

That evening after school, I went to his house ready to do things that I would never do if nobody insisted me. I inhaled as deep as I could and exhaled before ringing the bell. There was no answer for quite some time so I rang the bell again. There was still no answer so I decided to just slide in the form under the front door.

Suddenly, I heard a loud thud noise from the inside. Curious about the sound, I reluctantly opened the unlocked door (it was unlocked??) to see what had happened. It was shocking to see Rick lying on the floor near the stairs. I promptly went to him and helped him.

“What happened?” I asked him a common question anyone would ask while helping him to get up before going to his room upstairs.

“Nothing. I originally wanted to get some water. But then the bell rang so…,” he murmured his unfinished sentense whiled clinging on me.

His whole body was shivering and it felt very hot. Perhaps he was catching a cold. I guess he was very sick. He couldn’t even go to the kitchen by himself to get some water. Well, that thought led me to another question.

“Where are your parents?” I asked while letting him lie on his bed.

“They have gone outstation,” he answered. At times like this his parents were not home?

“I’ll go make some water okay,” I said to him and then leave the room. I went downstairs and eventually to the kitchen. To think of myself going to almost every part of a guy’s house…

“Here’s the water,” I said as I entered his room again. He didn’t answer me. He was asleep.

I put the water on the table beside his bed and sat beside him while starring at him. His body covered with his blanket, his innocent, sick, red face. His fast paced breathing rate and his loud heartbeat. I couldn’t help but aware of all of them.

Then, he suddenly held my right hand and took it to his chest. His eyes did not open so I thought he was dreaming or sleep-walking to be more precise. Again, I could feel his trembling body and his rapid heartbeat. I really liked the circumstances and the aura I was in.  I wished everything would stay like this forever.

Time flew by very quickly as an hour remaining in the same position felt like minutes.

“Hey, I actually like you since elementary school,” I uttered and then sighed. “If only I could say this while you’re awake,” I said loud enough to break the silence.

I took my hand off his hug and decided to leave the house as I’ve been wasting my time long enough to send his form. When I was about to leave the room he emited something.

“Lina. I heard what you said,” he said with his quavering sick voice.

I was dumbfounded to hear that. He heard me? Was he just pretending to be asleep all this while? How could I face him next time? Out of pure panic, I quickly went downstairs and out of his house. I believed the form was inside when I was leaving so it shouldn’t be a problem.

I entered my room and bumped my face onto my pillow. How foolish was I? I should’ve make sure he was really sleeping. In fact, I shouldn’t even talk about it. But what could I do? I couldn’t do anything now. I just had to face him when the time came.

Eventually, the time came. I woke up early in the morning knowing that I had to face him at the school. That’s right, at the school. That means I only have to worry about him when I arrived at school.

I opened my front door ready to walk to school when my heart suddenly raced fast. Rick was standing right in front of my house waiting for me.

“Let’s walk to school together,” he said. I could only approach him to his side.

“Umm… do you feel any better?” I asked to start a conversation about the other day.

“Yeah, I’m great now. You don’t need to worry. By the way, about the other day…”

“Ah, did you really hear what I said?” I asked curiously.

“Well, to put it bluntly, yes. Yes I heard you,” if that was the case, I only wanted to know his answer. “ Honestly speaking, I did not see you like you see me all this while but we could definitely be friends,” he explained.

He gave a very neutral answer. That means, I still had the chance to go out with him right? In the current state, we were ‘friends’ but I’d make sure that we were no longer ‘friends’ in the near future, I thought while walking beside him happily to the school.


Writer’s note: Nothing to say here…

Written By: L-zerb

Stay or Fly

The wind was gentle as I walked across the hallway alone towards my class. I took the first step inside the classroom and I saw her. She was already waiting for me, sitting on a chair behind a desk to study.

I remembered her. Clare is her name. The first time I saw her was a month ago at the annual school festival rehearsal. She was playing a piano decently. Her playing was so beautiful and captivating, it gave me a very nostalgic feeling about my dad and me. I felt very calm listening and enjoying the melody of the song while reminiscing my old times with my dad. My dad died in a car accident a few years ago. I was very sad then and determined to study harder for his sake.

Despite her outstanding and exceptional talent in playing piano, Clare had one thing that she was not good at. Her academic. Her recent exam result was terribly awful. Not to mention she was the worst student in the entire school. I on the other hand was the best student in the school, in academic at least. Because of that, I was given a very difficult task by one of the teachers that was to help her with her studies until she passed the exam. That is seriously a pain for me. Why me of all people? The girl who got the second place could do it right?

“Hey Clare, don’t you think there are many other girls who could teach you better than me? I mean, I know I got the first place but I’m a guy you know,” I asked her nonchalantly.

“Actually, this task was given by many other girls before but it didn’t work out,” was it that hard to teach this girl?? “I couldn’t quite grasp what they taught and they were teaching too fast. I couldn’t keep up with them so I ended up scolding them for not knowing how to teach,” this girl sure had some nerves.

“So, let me guess. The teacher actually thinks that a guy could soften your heart or something?”

“Pretty much like that.”

That was the first conversation that I had with her before I started my mission. From then on, we studied almost everyday in my class after school. It was a bit hard to teach her and studying may be boring for her. So, I made a slot for us to break and chat after every 30 minutes of studying. We didn’t talk much since the break slot was pretty short and I was very punctual about time. I didn’t give her any chance to neglect.

During one of the slots, I told her about the first time I saw her and how I felt about her piano playing. I praised her a little bit but unintentionally, I also told her about my father. Those two things were connected so I couldn’t just tell her only one of them. It would be meaningless. She felt sorry for me and told me how she felt about school in return. She said that the school was a very tedious place for her. She was just wasting her time all this while. She would’ve played piano more often if she was given more time to play it and then be the best pianist in the country. She also wanted to learn to play other instruments. So, does that means she was just wasting her time studying with me?

As I spent more time studying with her, I started to grow fond towards her. Even though she was really slow to understand things, she worked very hard to actually understand them. I believe her hardworking attitude and dedication came from playing musical instrument. Still, if she says that school was boring and stuff, why did she study so hard?

“Hey Clare, my family is throwing a birthday party tonight. By any chance, do you wan to come? I asked her during a break slot.

“Sure, I’ll bring my sister along,” she answered.

She, along with her sister came to my house earlier than everybody else. I welcomed both of them cheerfully. Then, her sister had a chat with my mom in the living room while Clare and I had a walk in the garden.

“You came early,” I jested.

“I’m not early. I’m just punctual, like you,” That words touched me a little. She then sighed. “I’m sorry to say this but your effort leads me nowhere actually. By the end of next month, I’m gone anyway.”

“What do you mean,” I asked her curiously.

“You see, my sister there is on her break. She studies in Canada and by the end of next month, the break will be over. I’m transferring to a music school there and I’m going to stay with my sister.”

I was dumbfounded when I heard that. She would be gone by next month? I really didn’t want that to happen.

“Do you really have to go?” I asked her slowly in a quavering voice.

“Why do you ask?” she questioned me back.

“Umm… It’s just that, I don’t want you to go,” I said while looking down at the grass.

I didn’t talk for a while. She didn’t either. It was silent.

“I want you to be here with me,” I broke the short silence looking up and gazed at her sparkling eyes.

I could see her starting so cry after I said that. Shortly after, she ran out of the house in a haste pulling her sister.

The next evening during our study session, she didn’t talk much. As for me, I was trying my hardest  to act as normal as I could. I was already dejected at that time.

Day by day shifted so fast until that day finally came. The day that she would fly off oversea. I went to the airport to send her off. I started to cry when her sister had started to say good bye. I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted to spend my time with her more but all hopes were faded. In about an hour, I wouldn’t be able to see her anymore.

Suddenly, she came close to me and said “don’t cry. I’m going to be here with you. I have decided to stay here and do my best in exams. I only came here to send my sister off.”

What? Was she bluffing? I looked up and saw her smiling broadly at me. Seeing that, I promptly hugged her and cried feeling ecstatic and relieved.


Writer’s note: Well that ending is really screwed…. But if she did fly then the story would be much longer. And I’m too lazy to write.

Written by: L-zerb

Was That a Confession?

As I walked past the door, I heard her voice. She was walking out from the class sluggishly, chatting with her friends. I looked at her beautiful face. Her sparkling, bright, dreamy eyes, her straight long blonde hair and her ruby red lips really stood up to me… Oh crap, she glanced at me! I turned my face away from her and just continued walking down my path. Come to think of it, where was she heading? Perhaps the school hall or the cafeteria maybe? Why did I even bother about this trivial matter?

It was the beginning of the year. We were required to stay and wait in our respective new classes. I was very lucky to be in the same class with Adrianna. I prayed for it the whole schoolbreak! After some time, a young female teacher came into our class.

“Good morning everyone. Please be seated,” said the teacher. “My name is Sarah, nice to meet all of you. From today onwards, I will be your class teacher,”

She introduced herself excitingly. It was obvious because her face was brimming with it. It’s only natural for a young teacher like her. Maybe this was her first time being a class teacher. Then, she wanted to nominate a class monitor. She asked for volunteers but there was none. No one wanted to take the big responsibility. It was silent. So silent as if one of my muscles was moved, the whole class would be distracted. Was it that bad to be a class monitor?

“Since there is no volunteer, Johan step forward please,” she ordered me. “Johan, you are now the class monitor,” she announced while I took some steps towards the front.

“What? Why me?” I asked Miss Sarah curiously.

“Because I said so,” now that was a very childish answer, and we just knew each other. She must have randomly picked my name from the name list. “Now, for his assistant I will pick…”

“ I,” a girl suddenly shouted. “I… I nominate… volunteer myself to be his assistant,” she said slowly with her soft and gentle voice. I turned around to make sure who volunteered. It was Adrianna!

“ Alright… That settles it. Adrianna, now you are officially Johan’s assistant,”. Now my chance to be close with her increased. I could use our work as an excuse to talk with her.

We as the class representatives were given tons of assignments by Miss Sarah. No wonder there was no volunteer back then. Sometimes I asked myself, is this really the class representative’s work?

“I’m sorry but Miss Sarah asked us to deliver our assignments to her desk,” said Adrianna once she opened the door.

I sighed and answered “okay, thanks,”. She always does that. At first she said that we were allowed to take home all our assignments. So I chose to finish it in the English clubroom where I could feel the breeze of the fresh air if I opened the window. I could also see almost the entire school compound which had the best scenery in this school. But then Suddenly, she asked us to deliver it to her desk which was like ten miles from here. What a tedious thing to do.

Adrianna and I walked side by side towards the teacher’s office to hand in our assignments. Gosh, I was so nervous! My walking pace was really unnatural. She and I walking alone. This really made me panic. Well, maybe if I started a conversation things would get better.

“ The teacher really gave us everything huh,” I finally said. She didn’t answer for quite some time. Then suddenly…

“ Oh… Umm… I’m terribly sorry. I totally forgot something at home. I should be going now. Hand in my assignment for me please,” she said and left in a haste after giving all her assignments into my hands. My golden chance collapsed just like that.

The other day at the teacher’s office, Miss Sarah told me that both Adrianna and I did our job well. She said that we were a good team and a perfect match for this work. Everything was normal except she said with the impression like she knew all my secrets. I felt a bit weird about the compliment. Wait a minute, a perfect match? Now those words really encouraged me to stand up and fight, I mean tell her my true feelings. I just needed to find the right time.

I saw her. She was eating alone at the cafeteria. Now is my chance. I must eat with her and then tell her immediately. Hold on, wasn’t it obvious that I liked her if I do that? No, I must not hesitate. I must tell her how I feel about her no matter what. So I walked towards her slowly while asking myself, what should I say first? ‘Yo, what’s up,’. No, guys do that only to another guy. How about ‘hey Adrianna,’. Nope, that’s only if we were close friends. ‘Hi there,’, that’s not good too.

“ Johan?” without noticing, I was already in front of her standing awkwardly.

“ Yo … hey there, hi Adrianna,” I said spontaneously but awkwardly. what was I saying? This is very terrible. My mind and my tongue were saying the exact opposite. I had to recover my sanity so this ‘encounter’ or ‘date’ would be smooth.

“May I eat here with you?” I couragely asked her.

“ Yeah, I guess” then the conversation stopped. She didn’t say anything and I had nothing to say either. I mean, I couldn’t jump to the conclusion saying I like her.

“ Do you hate me?” she started the conversation again with a shocking question. “I thought you hated me. Every time our eyes met, you turned your face away,”

“ No. I didn’t hate you. It’s just… I… I…” all I needed to say was I like you. Why was it so hard for me just to say that? Saying it was a lot harder than I thought.

“ Yes? What is it that you’re trying to say?”.

“ I umm… really have to go now,” I said desperately. I stood up ready to leave her. “So have a good day.” I wished her and left. I also left my untouched food behind. Running away was my only ability being in this situation. I didn’t have any confidence at all.

Despite leaving her without mercy yesterday, I regretted my action. I looked like a fool and was very embarrassed. I was actually very angry with myself. Maybe I should just give up on her and focus on my study or at least something that I was talented and interested in, I thought while walking towards the school gate as school had ended for the day under the bright evening sun.

“ Johan!” a girl shouted from behind. I turned around and saw Adrianna running towards me. I was trying to answer by saying hi or hello but she suddenly kissed me on the cheek. I was astonished and perplexed by her action. My face was crimson with embarrassment. She did not say anything after and just continued running out the school gate. As I watched her running with her long hair swished through the air, I curiously asked myself, “ was that a confession?”.

~ to be continued ~

Writer’s note: No, I’m actually not going to continue writing this story…

Written by: L-zerb

A friend, a Lover and an Unexpected Rival

“Hey, did you watch the movie last night Leslie?”

“Yeah I did. It was thrilling and yet enjoyable to watch. Best movie so far!”

It was the usual conversation that I had with her. Teasing and joking with each other. That’s the only way I can approach her.

We’re in the same class and her seat was right behind me so we often talked to each other. We also walked home together since our house was near our school and her house was along on the way to my house. I think that was why we could hook up with each other. Apart from that, I have an older brother. My personality with my brother’s were a little bit different as I was more outgoing but he was a shy and introvert type. The three of us walked to school and went home together everyday.

The thing was, Leslie and I were very close. I was very comfortable being with her. Talking with her, making jokes with her and even teasing her everyday was really fun.

I once tried to make a confession towards her. At that time we were in front of her house going home. It was just the two of us because my brother had a fever.

“Hey Leslie,” I called


“I… Umm… do you…,”

“Just spit it out,”

“Do you mind making a drink for me because I am very thirsty. It’s really hot right now,” she forced me to say that. I was very panic and made myself say something casual. The best thing was, she actually did a drink for me! I thought our relationship was a blessing in disguise.

Gosh! I can’t even say a phrase like ‘I like you’ or ‘do you want to hang out?’. This really pisses me off. Why couldn’t I say it? It was just one phrase. So, I was kind of wanted to share my feelings with my brother. I opened a topic and said a little bit about me being panic. Before I could continue with my story, he suddenly cut my story by saying he liked a girl in my class. I had a bad feeling about this.

“A girl in my class? What’s her name?” I asked my brother pretending to be curious.

“Leslie,” he said slowly with a deep voice.

I was utterly shocked to hear that. Since when did he like her? I didn’t have a single clue before. Now I have to face a horrible reality. My brother was my rival? Not to mention he was a timid type.

“You know what, leave it to me,” I said eagerly. Come to think of it, why did I say that? I was helping him? I know I didn’t want to help him right? Now that I said that, I have to help him.

I didn’t teach or ask him to be more courage to ask her out. I just gave them abounds opportunity to be alone. The first thing that I did was I let the two of them walk home together instead of the three of us. That should give him more chance and time to confess.

After some time, their relation became closer. At that very time, I really wanted to tell Leslie my true feelings but there were two possibilities that could happen. If she rejected me, I was afraid that we could not even be friends anymore because it would be awkward. But if she did accept me and I did go out with her, that would hurt my brother’s feeling. So I thought, keeping myself silent was the best for everyone.

As time went by, after numerous opportunity, he finally had the guts to tell her. Remembering the scene, dark clouds gathered and big drops of rain fell from the sky. My brother and I were entering an empty class. There was a lovely young girl waiting there patiently. Leslie that was. Then my brother took some steps towards her. Seeing them closer really made me hurt. So I picked a chair, sat there while looking out the window that was tinkling rain. I hoped all of this was merely a joke. Yes, I truly hoped for that.

Thus, the conversation began.

“Listen, I know it’s a bit strange for me to say this but, it’s just…,”

“I know. Your  brother told me so. He told me that you liked me since last year,”

He gave a glance at me. Yes, I did tell her. I thought letting her know would let things go smoothly.

She continued “You know, I like you too. You are a very kind but a shy person. I really like that. Most importantly, you’ve gathered all your courage just to be here,”

I couldn’t take it anymore. Hearing what she said actually made my heart burst into pieces. I just hoped that their novelty relationship turned out well. Now I felt like I won’t be needed there anymore so I packed my bag and left the place.


Writer’s note: I actually wrote this two years ago. Reading this again, I realize that it’s a pretty crappy story. But duh… that’s the very reason this blog exists. To dump my trashy stories, here’s one of them.

Written by: L-zerb