I’m really bad at gossiping. REALLY BAD. I actually once tried to gossip with two of my friends… But end up caught red handed. It was really funny. Think about it, a guy who usually doesn’t gossip, tried to gossip and then got caught… sigh. I’m traumatized by the incident and now I’m very scared to even talk about other people. I’m scared they would magically appear behind me. There are reasons as to why I suck at this unbeneficial activity. I managed to divide it into some points.
I don’t know people
I just can’t remember people well and I tend to forget them easily. If they’re not important in my life, chances are, three minutes after I know them, I’ll forget them. Because of this, I tend to not give a damn about pretty much everyone. Because I know for a fact that I’ll forget about them eventually.
Because I don’t know people, I don’t gossip about them. They don’t have anything to contribute to my life anyway. By knowing who they’re dating with, who they have a fight with or what they’re like before DOES NOT benefit my life. So why get to know about them in the first place? Basically, if anyone asked me if I know a story about a particular person, not only do I not know anything surrounding the person, but I have no idea who that person is in the first place.
I don’t stalk, surprisingly
Now I have all the social media that everyone else has (though only recently). I have Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and obviously WordPress. But I only use them to make (unfunny) jokes and look at jokes. My feed is full of dank memes and comic strips. I don’t use them to stalk people. That’s why I don’t know what the heck is going on in other people’s lives. It’s really weird to me when people talk about things that they see on these social media.
Them: Hey do you know that Dyane’s boyfriend dumped her yesterday? I saw her indirectly tweet about it.
Me: …. Dyane had a boyfriend??
And apparently they’ve been in a relationship for almost two years and I’m probably the only one who didn’t notice… true story (not really).
Another reason I don’t stalk is because they are mostly boring as the captions are just too cliché. Everything on their Instagram posts are positive events happening in their lives. It’s almost like they have a happy and perfect lives. On the contrary, they post every single detail about their negative events and pet peeves in their lives on Twitter. It’s almost like their lives are so miserable that they want to die.
I don’t give a damn about things that happen without my participation in the event.
Whatever the heck happened at a meeting other than my club is not my concern. Or basically whatever happened without my presence is none of my business. Because why should I know? But somehow, some people seem to know about it in detail!! Like… How in the world… yes I know the power of social media is Godlike but still. I think they have the skills that I don’t and they probably practiced using them for years.
I don’t have a gossip partner
And I never will because I’ll never choose a person like that as a friend. They can be my acquaintance though. I’m very selective in choosing a friend. I’m more comfortable of having friends that can talk about ideas, history, and hobbies rather than talking crap about other people. Plus, like I mentioned before, I’ll forget about them eventually so yea… less friend for meh.
People don’t share juicy gossip with me
Most gossiper want to get information in return for giving information. Since I literally don’t know any gossip about anyone, they tend to not do business with me. Besides, I don’t give a damn about any of the information they give anyway so if someone actually have the courtesy to gossip with me, I’d forget about the gossip in no time leaving no traces.
Some people are still suspicious of me being bad at gossiping. Seriously, what do you doubt? I really am bad at it. I don’t know anything about other people, don’t care about them and will forget about anything that I consider unimportant. Are those the characteristics of a gossiper? I think not. Okay I admit I sometimes talk bad about other people behind their back. But I only do it occasionally, not regularly. I believe everyone does that. Even so, I still think I’m bad at gossiping. Being caught red handed is one of the evidences.
I originally wanted to make a ‘how to excel at gossiping’ post because this activity is really popular among my peers. But I realized that I’m bad at it. So I changed the post.